A special thanks to Loz who stepped up and wrote this week’s Brilliant RA review- in record time as well.

The day started with a seven of the RA Faithful making a convergence on Casa Loz at 1300 on Saturday. Nick, Marko and Scotty were in one chariot and Vicky, Kaity and myself were being chauffeured by KW. The mood was one of optimism and anticipation – anticipation because I had got my hands on a copy of ‘101 Hits from the 80’s’ and I couldn’t wait to inflict it upon others. A new chant was born on the outskirts of Sydney that had a rather distinct NKOTB flavour which, unfortunately, did not get a run at the main game due an imposed lack of mobility on the Raiders Army. More on that later…

The trip up the Hume itself was rather uneventful besides KW bringing to our attention that Collector is having some sort vegetable related festival and then there was the stop over at Pheasants Nest so the boys could load up on minced offal wrapped in pastry.

Our first destination was the Wentworthville Formule One. This was the second time in as many weeks that I had to endure a night in this chain of hotel. I guess I shouldn’t complain, it was my idea to stay there on both occasions after all. At least the Wenty F1 lacked the aroma of purchased love that seemed to permeate throughout the Campbelltown F1. I also didn’t have to share my room with opposition fans this time around. We were a bit concerned about having to sneak seven people in to two rooms that each slept three, but we needn’t have worried as it was a midget manning the check in and she couldn’t see Marko over the desk as he ducked in and up the stairs. What we didn’t know at the time was that the Wenty F1 is the most haunted hotel in the area.

After a quick freshen up in the girls hotel room, we set out to meet the boys at the Dan Murphy’s down the road and stepped outside just in time to see the boys headed to the Parra leagues club without us. So it was back to the hotel lobby to call for a taxi of our own and while we waited we were fortunate enough to be hit on by a pair of midget bikies (there are a lot of midgets in the Parra area apparently…) who were waiting at the lights. These charming gents wished to know which room we were staying in, so naturally we offered that we were sleeping in room 256, which of course was the room the boys were staying in.

When we finally made it to the Parra Leagues club, Vicky and Kaity headed in to the ground to cheer on our Toyota Cup boys while I attempted to find the rest of the RA who I knew to be meeting in the Leagues Club. Thankfully Marko was at hand to guide me through the labyrinth that is the Parra Leagues (needs more pokies IMHO, especially in the areas designated for dining). A particular highlight of the pre-match was when a local Mensa member suggested from the safety of a second floor balcony that Katie, Ness, Marko and yours truly were scum.

It wasn’t long before it was time to head into the ground and I found to my dismay that the ground no longer had a grassed hill and that someone had stolen the big screen. The numbers of Eels fans that turned up was also disappointing. I’m pretty sure I have more friends on Facebook than there were Eels fans at the ground. And half my Facebook friends are from the RA. Speaking of which, it was nice to have finally met some of these friends for the first time. It was also good to see some familiar faces from previous seasons that had not yet made it to a game. Upon entering our bay we were informed in no time that we were to remain seated as apparently, with Parramatta being the cultural centre we all know it is, a night at the footy is akin a night at the opera. We grudgingly obliged and the shameful realisation dawned on me that we were just a few sets of thundersticks away from CSSC-proportion lameness.

As we know, these reviews are less about the actual match so here I will just say we got dudded and everyone knows it. The game was, however, a vast improvement from last week’s effort and I truly believe that we are building to something. Perhaps a win in round eight? The RA once again put on a fabulous show, lead admirably by Souls, Butters and KW, for the Eels fans who looked baffled at having the noise of non-recorded chanting at their ground. Unfortunately for Souls his singing was so good he had to be escorted out of the ground. Another RA member who was in line for a frog-march was Pickle, a prime candidate for a place at Eggleston Hall if ever there was one.

The original plan after the match was to head back to Parra Leagues, but for some reason seemed the place enforced a closed shoe policy only… I guess someone could do some damage if one of the 3,427 pokies were to fall on their foot. So now the post match was spent with Bay53 driving us around the bright lights of Parra trying to locate the mythical PJ’s and once finally located were promptly told that the boys could not enter as they were wearing shorts. WTF?? Why not?? Is there a problem with the Parra midgets slashing the calves of all shorts-wearing males at the local nightclubs??

So it was back to the F1 for a change of clothes for the boys as I had decided to throw in the towel and hang out with the girls (inc Marko). It was worth it because they had ordered pizza. Things soon took a little turn for the boring and it was decided that we should go and check out the boys digs and discovered that they had scored themselves a lumpy waterbed and the maids had hung their clothes for them. It was about this time we ran into the local ghost and some Gangstas roaming the hallway, we were so scared we actually locked ourselves out of our room. While searching downstairs for a way to get back in, we noticed a drinks vending machine which looked like it stocked beverages from the 1990’s. The orange juice had curdled and had turned a strange brown colour, while the Pepsi Max had virtually become transparent. All the display bottles had warped into amusing shapes.We decided to call it a night once access was regained to room 258 as I was pretty excited at the prospect of sleeping in a bunk bed, which I had not done since I was nine and could not wait to test out the oversized scouring pad that was my blanket.

Sunday morning was a pretty uneventful one, although KW was fortunate enough to have the wonderous experience of having a shower in pitch black. Why one earth the light switch the shower is placed outside the room I will never know… The trip home was even less eventful than the trip up but it’s always a great feeling knowing that you’re returning to gods country and the home of the mighty Raiders.

We hope to see as many of you as possible at the Cowboys match, Monday, 6 April.

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A big thankyou to Toby who marked his review writing debut with this brilliant piece, well in mate. 

“Are We There Yet” Tour – Roosters Rd 2

The first Sydney bus of 2009 started off in a typical manner with Jed, the supposedly ever reliable scheduling manager, the last to arrive at the meeting place – Central Station. With the Sydney boys (and Vanessa) waiting for Jed and Nat to arrive, conversation centered upon the derelict nature of the folk prancing (or stumbling) around Central early on an early Sunday morning. Whilst waiting in anticipation for a meeting with our good mate, ‘Oz Blotto’, Nick almost contracted a severe case of food poisoning thanks to week-old green chips at the surprisingly busy Hungry Jacks. He spent the morning scurrying around Central telling absolutely everybody not to put their lives in danger, ‘stay away from the chips’ was the call from the highly regarded, Raider_69. The trip was off to an absolutely blistering start.

When Super Jed finally arrived, we headed to Eddy Avenue to try and find our ‘bus’. A few of our more inexperienced members got a little excited thinking that we would be boarding a luxurious Murrays bus, only to be pointed towards our cozy 24 seater. Once aboard the bus (at an unbelievable time of 8.52) the mocking began, about both people on and off the bus. Benny Taylor’s elephant washing old man got a workout, as did Soulsy’s chant writing capabilities as ‘We are the music men’ quickly became the theme of the trip. And then, just as we got past the airport, Jeffrey (bus driver) began his routine – and didn’t he have some classics. Between declaring himself a Roosters supporter and warning us to look out for jet skis on Lake George, the bloke had us in absolute stitches; we all often wondered whether he had another job as a stand-up comedian.

After a toilet stop for Rupi’s bladder about 10 minutes into the trip, we continued our pilgrimage south-west. I would say that at this stage spirits were high – this was not to last. The patrons on the bus began to get mighty edgy with Jeff cracking along the Hume at a mighty 70km’s an hour, little did we know if we missed the match it would of actually been to our benefit. We started taking bets about whether cars or other buses would catch our bus, but the bet of the day went to Sully who tipped we would not take over the truck in front of us. As it turned out, the truck left the highway around Marulen but beat us to the overpass in what can only be called a photo finish. We actually were that bored of our slow and scenic Sunday drive that the betting rings exploded. Rupi was a machine and was splashing virtual dollars all over the bus, Craig was as animated as I have ever seen him and Nick clambered all over the back window like an excited school-girl, knees on seats, watching for five minutes at a time whether the blue Subaru in the distance would actually catch the bus – scintillating stuff! Jeff sensed we were slowly getting tired of his Purtell like speed and assured us it was the bus and not he, who lacked the courage, heart and capacity to give the bus some ‘curry’.

We drew closer and closer to Canberra and the nerves had started to set in. To fire up the patrons Craig demanded some 104.7 as soon as we were in reach of Canberra frequency. The music debates started to rage… Nick rabbitted on about some band called Trapt and then some new band coming out of Sydney’s suburbs namely titled as ‘The Existence’. The amount of people on the bus, myself included, who had that album was remarkable. Check them out! The tunes rolled on resulting in the bus coming alive during the Veronicas. Special mention again goes to Rupi as he especially perked up every time a Chris Brown sing-a-like came on the bus’ pounding speakers but I won’t lie, I was loving the charts. I tried to hide my pleasure when Beyonce came on, so as to protect any shreds of musical integrity I had after dancing in the aisle to those slutty Brisbanites, but the lyrics just spewed out of my mouth. Ben and Vanessa were both deeply embarrassed for me and have since deleted me off facebook, Maslin style.

We finally made the Lighthouse and I think everyone was pretty desperate for an ale considering the tedious journey we had just had on the way down. Marko was already off-chops and was stumbling all over the pub, absolutely disgraceful; there sure is nothing sweet about that critter. I approached the self-proclaimed Raiders Army stalwart KW but was told to approach his publicist if I wanted to speak to the hero face-to-face. I couldn’t be bothered – there was prawn and avocado pizza to be eaten. I had to get in quick in fear Frank would turn up at any stage (btw, where was Frank). The danger was right in front of me though. Paul ‘The Pie Eater’ Henson had already tucked away his 8 pizzas leaving zilch for the travel weary Sydney-siders. I think some lovely Q-town representative offered me a crust at some stage, thanks for that. The VB’s were flowing however and the Sydney boys (and Vanessa and Nat) were starting to find their feet, confidence was high.

We left the lighthouse approx 1.15, Nazi Nick would not even let us visit the facilities and with Aaron downing his 6 schooners he had just purchased and Rupi smashing down his Scotch and Soda, we were on our way. The troops had been round up and were marched to our jalopy of a bus; we were finally on our way to the stadium. Jeff was still blabbering on about the jet skis and poor old Ben was desperately trying to rally some assistance to start up a chant but had little success – it seemed that nerves were high. Knowing he had little assistance, he went for it anyway and the bus came alive with a few renditions of the mighty ‘mental and mad’ army classic, we were getting pumped.

Pre-warning from some GH experts about some road closures didn’t stop the whole bus sending Jeff the wrong way, demanding he go right. We all we soon found out we would have to turn around if we wanted to get onto the Eastern Side – Jeff threw the bus into reverse and tried again. After blitzing through security and screaming down the left hand ‘VIP’ lane, we could taste the footy, it was time. Or was it? Those of us with Season Ticket-Holders (thanks K-Dub) strolled through the gates but the other boys + ticket organiser Nick had to scamper around the whole stadium as the $15 tickets had been stored at the players entrance. Nick was absolutely thrilled.

Not to dwell, the game was almost underway and the giant RA banner was unveiled… and wasn’t it beautiful! It bought a tear to my eye, but this not because it was beautiful, but rather through the ensuing comedic proceedings. The banner was sprawled from one length of Bay 72 to the other; about 7 men were equally spaced, trying to hold up the monster. Boing was to the go to man on the right-hand side but he quickly relieved himself of any duties, giving the banner to a kid about 6 who found it an immense struggle. I am not sure how you can get tangled in a rectangular banner but this kid managed to get himself into a real mess. Soulsy jumped down and thankfully helped out, the kid sprinting away, hating whoever this group called the Raiders Army was and was never to be seen again.

After a beautiful minutes silence for Raiders Founding Father and absolute legend Les McIntyre R.I.P. it was time for the Raiders to pluck those Roosters – game on. A few penalties early gave us great field possession and a chance to open the account with Purtell finding space down the left hand flank, only to find it without the ball in hand. Right in front of the Army, a huge opportunity went missing. I still believe that if he had caught that ball it would have been a totally different match. The game quickly turned into an insanely boring slug-fest, the Roosters eventually going into half time 4 points up. Members of the Army were starting to get worried; we hadn’t seen the Green Machine score a point for 80 minutes. On the positive side of things, Jarrod Croker, who was on debut in place of Phil Graham, played a very solid and positive first half of football. He ended up having a tremendous match considering the circumstances, well done to you Jarrod Croker.

Half-time had to be the highlight of the whole day. A Local Liquor representative came and asked for three of the RA’s finest to go onto the field at halftime to compete in a competition – the prize being getting a gig in a Local Liquor commercial. Marc Pooley, Ben Ross and cult hero/resident photographer Eric Wu were nominated as our three finest gentlemen and so it was, let the competition begin. The aim of the competition was to yell out Local Liquor’s catch phrase ‘Shoot Down to the Local’ and didn’t the boys do us proud. Ben ‘Beanie’ Ross was first to compete and his attempt was solid, it was going to be hard to beat. Pooley was next and was sure to tell the stadium that he had ventured all the way down from the Central Coast. You could feel the whole stadium grimace at that moment; it was a long way to come for a performance like the one we were seeing. Pooley’s cry was energetic and full of passion; I think he may have just taken the lead at this stage. But what was next was something magical. One of those once-in-a-lifetime kind of experiences – hearing the Wu man’s excitable tone reverberate around Canberra Stadium. ‘Shoot down to your local’ was the cry, not 100% accurate but it didn’t matter – the crowd went ballistic for Eric. It seems as if the RA now had to share their cult hero with the rest of the Raiders faithful. The secret is out! Eric Wu is a god amongst men! I for one am waiting in anticipation for that commercial, with all three candidates likely to star… wowee.

I will not waste your time to tell you about THAT second half, it really was quite terrible. To make matters worse we had lost Buttriss and Thompson for the rest of the match, and in knowledge, a long stint on the sidelines. It wasn’t a pretty afternoon. We scored a fairly weak consolation try on the buzzer which meant that we continued our ‘mighty’ record of never being held to nil at Bruce Stadium but it was beneficial to me as Bronson Harrison is in my fantasy league (top scorer by the way, get on it). Final Score – Roosters 28, Raiders 4… it was going to be a very long trip back up the Hume.

We then spent the next hour trying to find everyone, for some bizarre reason, the bus was waiting on the wrong side of the stadium. The call from Jed to meet under the infamous nose of Laurie Daley was a little too late. Patrons had already stormed off in a huff, wondering why they bothered putting in the effort only for it not to be reciprocated by the Raiders themselves.

Once aboard the bus, we began our long trip back towards Sydney town. The atmosphere on the bus was one of defeat, of worry and of misery. A few patrons, who want be named, ditched the return leg in the knowledge the bus would be in some state of mourning and they were right. After a few desperate sounding chants everyone plugged themselves into their iPod’s and tried to sleep off the pain. Jeff had promised us some goodies upon his return from Fyshwick but what he had in store for us no one could have predicted. The nature of the match and the resulting mood of the bus-trip had many of us posing the question, ‘are we there yet?’ and didn’t Jeff read the mood well! It was movie time, the film of choice? Some trashy American film aptly named, ‘Are We There Yet?’ – you have got to be kidding. I won’t lie – it was probably the worst film I had ever seen.

After talking Craig down from suicidal thoughts it was time for a Macca’s stop in the beautiful town of Goulburn. After making the employees the butt of a thousand Todd Carney jokes and asking travelling Roosters fans where their man ‘Mario’ was it was time to head off again. We all had a laugh reminiscing about the Benny Taylor incidents and wondering how clean his elephants were – ah, at least we wouldn’t leave anyone behind again… would we? With Nick not on board I was the designated counter – 1, 2, 3… 20… we were one man down. How could this happen again? Panic was rife! Where had our latest casualty gone? What had fueled my terror was that I hadn’t seen any pensioners inside, there was nowhere to go, no other buses to get on and still we had lost a man. I shouldn’t have feared, striding out from beneath the golden arches was the reliably late Supercoach (unsure of real name). It wasn’t the first time he had nearly been left behind, it happened on multiple counts. All on deck, it was time to get back to Central.

We arrived back at Central approx 8.30 to a relieved cheer and a discussion with Jeff about his ‘Hot Rod’. It sure was time to get home…

Are we there yet? Yes, thank ****! We were finally home.

Oh, and a side mention…. If the Raiders make the top 8 this year, Jamie (Mohawk) has promised to get a Raiders Army tattoo over his heart as heard on the bus. His dedication puts me to shame. Special mention also goes to Rupi who got a leave pass from his winning cricket side to fill a vacant seat on the bus, well in mate.

Just a reminder… get out to Parramatta Stadium this Saturday night. We will be meeting in the Parra Leagues Club next door before the match and once inside will be seated in the Northern Terrace section (General Admission). Support your club through thick and thin. Let’s help the boys get their first win of the season, get to the game!

Until next time,

Believe

Toby.

*Portions of this review, not affecting the outcome, may have been edited for entertainment purposes only.

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Season 2009 had a belated kick-off the Raiders and the Army, we had to sit through 3 days of NRL action before getting the chance to watch the green go around once more. The Monday Night factor ensured that the travelling contingent would be heading north in a convoy of cars as opposed to the regular buses, so the normal hilarity had to be confined to within each individual car.

I travelled up with the rest of the QBN Crew in the old mans prado, and the scintillating conversation had old Willy asleep in no time. Late withdrawal Scotty Mac was more than adequately replaced by RA stalwart Marko ‘nothing’s sweet about me’ Milinkovic, who was duly relegated to the very rear of the vehicle and was on beer wench duty. Speaking of beer, it was decided that to save time we would purchase the beer at Collector rather than driving into the busy metropolis that is Monaro Street in QBN. Upon arrival at the Bushranger Hotel, I was very saddened to here that not only did they not have any Carlton Dry Fusion, they did not even have a cold carton of beer in the whole pub. We had to settle with a warm carton of Pure Blonde at the more than reasonable price of $49.50. To end our Collector Pub nightmare, they didn’t have any Ice either. So we chucked the warm beer in the esky and headed off with our tail between our legs. Just as we left Collector we noticed a sign advertising their annual pumpkin festival in May. I think everyone should make an effort to attend this wonderful event. Be sure to book early as the hotel’s 4 rooms will be snapped up well in advance.

We finally arrived at the pre-game gathering at the Club Hotel in Leumeah, after putting up with Nick ‘the lying dutchman’ and his absolutely woeful attempts at playing scrabble on the dukes mobile phone. We were greeted by a very healthy crowd of Raiders faithful. Due to the late get away we could only sneak in two quick schooners (and one or two songs I might add) before we headed over to the ground. There was a massive queue for tickets so I enlisted Marko to line up whilst I snuck inside the Leagues club to collect some free tickets that the old man had scored from some random in the club. The ticketing facilities are yet to have eftpos/credit card facilities installed, these are rumoured to be in place by 2011 as part of Campbelltown’s $750 proposed upgrade.
We entered the ground (Via getting someone to rip off our ticket stub- who needs turnstiles) there was a nice smattering of green amongst the black, white and orange, and a solid gathering of RA on the Southern Hill. Upon arrival security was on our back regarding the large triangle flag, but a few niceties from myself helped calm the situation and we were free to wave away. Sydney RA regular ‘mohawk’ was enlisted to wave the big flag, and it must be said he did an absolutely abysmal job. You are sacked mate.

Loz’s business cards were being handed out thick and fast, and no doubt the number of hits on the RA website has gone through the roof since last night. Early estimates are 1 million hits per day, which is half way towards achieving our target. The team had a great first half and a handy 8 point lead going into the break, though the RA’s form was a little scratchy. This will no doubt improve at Parra and Cronulla over the coming weeks and in Bay 72 as we get back into the swing of things. We all know what happened in the second half, tuiaki cheated and Wests got the chocolates. The tigers fans around us came to life whenever the Tigers scored, but boings world famous “this place is like a library” chant could have been used to great effect for most of the game. Some peoples fears of sitting on the hill at Campbelltown were unfounded, as the vast majority of fans were very amicable and a great time was had by supporters of both sides.

A fair few of us hung around til well after the full time siren had sounded, and it was lucky we did as we had massive trouble with the pool pole. What started with one person trying to unscrew the top from the bottom ended in a military style operation with up to 8 people twisting, turning and doing their part. After several minutes, we were able to slap high fives with our newly calloused hands as we finally got the thing sorted. It truly was a memorable moment.
There celebrations were well justified as we left our hill which was now littered with about 25 cubic metres of confetti, I don’t envy the bloke who has to clean that up.
On the way out of Campbelltown a few of us (well mainly me I guess) were joining in some friendly banter, most Wests fans are closet Raiders fans and I was simply reminding them of that fact. A number of people congratulated us for travelling up for the game but wouldn’t commit to venturing to sunny Canberra later in the year for the return bout.

As is now customary on RA away trips, we bumped into the Toyota Cup team at Sutton Forest Maccas. Andrew McFadden had decided to reward the side with a Happy Meal after  they had an outstanding start to the year, putting 50 points on their hapless opposition. A great start to their premiership defence. A number of very odd phone calls were received around Lake George, most of them from the first grade teams bus, where it sounded as if they were listening (and or dancing to) the ‘heel and toe polka’, must be something new coach Dave Furner has introduced to assist with rehab.

After quickly pulling into a rest stop that even Ivan Milat would be intimidated by,  we dropped Marko off in Kaleen and were back in Q-Town by half 12. This week we have the Roosters at home, and a travelling contingent of Sydney Supporters will be bussing it down the Hume. I look forward to their review next week. We will then be heading north to Parra Stadium on Saturday March 28th, there will definitely be a bus going up so if you’re keen let me know.

BELIEVE

KW

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