Once again Marko filling in for Ultra.

Those who read my last report, stop reading now if you don’t want to be disappointed – with no Army bus this week, it meant half the fun is lost already. Anyway I hope there is something in here to give you a laugh.

So no Army bus, this week. Just 2 of the Canberra Army contingent made the trek up to Parramatta to see our boys in a match we thought we would dominate. How wrong we could be! There was almost nothing positive to talk about the game, in fact the real action occurred in the stands, but more of that to come.

After a trip that lasted 3.5 hours, we reach Sydney. There had been on and off rain upon reaching Sydney, so we did know exactly what to expect, but when you see it pissing down in Blacktown you knew it would be a wet night.

Arriving at the ground before Flegg we contemplate heading straight in, but a torrential downpour sees us seek cover in the neighbouring Parramatta Leagues club. Being a lad from sheltered Canberra I thought the Tradies club had the biggest pokies room – Parramatta Leagues totally annihilates this. This place is a Pokies lounge that has remote links to rugby League in it. Being a leagues club you would think it would be easy to find a big screen with sport and a table to sit down and have a beer… Wrong. There were a few spare seats in the club, but all were next to pokies. Now I’ve been known to have the occasional flutter on these things, but only at my local or the Tradies, where I am supporting the Community and the Raiders. There was no way I’m supporting a club that pays Brett Finch’s wage.

So after a beer or 2 at mini Vegas, it was off to Parramatta Stadium, which is conveniently a stones throw away from the leagues club. We enter the stadium and meet up with about 3 other raiders supporters that were in the ground. Being quite hungry I head for the food stands. Now we all know stadium food is average at best. Those hot chips I purchased at the Raiders/Knights game tasted like they were left over form the previous match against the Storm and simply microwaved for that “fresh taste”. Having already low expectations I head up and order some hot chips and some “chicken strips“. The chips were actually quiet nice and I was gob smacked when the Chicken strips actually contained and tasted like read chicken!

Premier League is a very dull affair, we don’t have great ball security and in a scrappy affair we lose 24-4. We were able to keep our spirits up by having a bit of fun in the stands playing a harmless little prank though…

Back home in Canberra was a person who wanted some Premier League updates, now there was not much to talk about so we decide to send a simple text saying “Zillman playing fullback in Premier League”. Not even 4 seconds after pressing “send” our shocked recipient rings up, so the phone is passed over to the cool and collected myself who simply tells Zillman is in Jersey #20 in Premier League and that there is a reshuffle in the backline. Our caller is shocked and immediately starts to panic, so after agreeing with him how much of a “bloody outrage!” This all is we let our friend go. We would receive a text message some time later abusing us. Totally expected though. What was even funnier was that our exclusive “scoop” was posted on the Greenhouse forum! Unfortunately we did it too close to the 1 hour deadline of teams being named, so the prank didn’t have it’s maximum effect… I guess for me it’s a case of Schifty by name, Schifty by nature.

The match – what is there to say? We couldn’t catch a cold, we gave away stupid penalties and looked totally lost out there. But the bigger joke was some of the antics by Parramatta stadium. First of all their mascot, an eel, doesn’t even look like an eel, it looks more like an arcade machine. What’s even worse is that it has arms and legs, since when do eels have arms and legs? Next, the subway mascot, loosely reference Lara Bingle,
What the Bloody Hell is that? It is the most rough looking messy mascot ever. Unfortunately it was not witnessed after halftime. Early investigations indicate that Mark Riddell was spotted with a full stomach just before kick off in the second half…

But finally, the most undoubtedly lamest thing was the “Parra, Parra” chants played over the P.A. Now it is one thing to play music and even a beat to pump a crowd, but to play a computerised chant? I guess you need something for the famous Parra fans who are known to boo their side when they’re losing and throw their jerseys on the field. Just on jerseys, how many do Parra want? I don’t think I saw 2 people wearing an identical jersey at Parramatta Leagues.

With a poor turnout in the rain, we didn’t expect to be heard or noticed that much. How wrong we were to be. The Parra game had produced a new Army sensation, a young lady who goes by the nickname “Pickle”. This girl was our voice for 90% of the night, despite being hammered on the field, watching our side play like absolute crap and self destruct, she kept the faith all match and took up the fight to the Parramatta fans despite being heavily outnumbered. She fought on all match and even succeeded in having some fans move away from our area (although the rain may have played a part in this). We may have got smashed on the field, but we lost nothing in the stands that night. I would love to repeat some of the things said but this is a family forum, and although I fully endorse and support everything Pickle said, it is best they are not posted up here.

I obviously left most of the game out of my report but I will mention Michael Weyman steam rolling Luke Burt – it was clearly the play of the night. Big Mick proved you don’t need to be a new age agile quick footed mobile back to make an impact.

We leave Parramatta totally drenched and without the points, stop at Pheasants Nest for some food and hit the long road back to God’s Country. Unfortunately all I remember of the trip back is falling asleep somewhere north of Goulburn and waking up at the airport, I guess that shows what happens when your ipod randomly selects crap you don’t even recognize. Just on music – Shannon’s Noll “Shine” definately the worst song that I could have played upon departure.

So we got smashed, big deal. At least those Sydney media muppets will stop talking us up now pretending to know about our side. We have a young pack, we are full of talent and we will make the 8, mark my words.

We just need to learn to play wet weather footy.

Stay true people, our next match is against the Roosters on Monday night, I hope to see you all there and perhaps at the Tradies post match afterwards to celebrate a big win.

Stay Green people, and remember to Believe.

Marko.

P.S. Marko’s tip of the week – jump on Purtell for first try scorer.

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